Every child will respond differently to the news that their parents are getting a divorce, and there are various factors that can affect their emotional response. The age of the child, whether they expected the news, and of course, just the nature of the individual child.
It’s important to put your child first during your separation from your partner, considering what they need most. Depending on your child’s age and circumstances, they’ll likely need different things from you, as well as varying degrees of understanding of the whole situation. The basic requirements between parent and child during a divorce, however, remain the same.
How to Tell Your Child About Divorce
The first step is, of course, telling your child about the divorce. This will likely be the most difficult part, so you should wait until you and your partner are absolutely sure about the separation. You should plan what you’re going to say plenty of time in advance, and unless it’s unsafe to do so, you and your spouse should both be present when informing your child.
Choose Your Wording
Be sure to set a kind, loving, and reassuring tone from the start of the conversation, and make it very clear to the child that your decision to divorce is not their fault. Equally, you should use ‘we’ when explaining your reasons for the divorce. Even if it’s not an even decision, your children shouldn’t be spoken to in a way that will persuade them to ‘side with’ one parent over the other.
Tell All Children Together
If you have multiple children, gather the family and tell all of the children about the divorce at the same time. Older children will be more likely to have follow-up questions, but refrain from telling them before younger children, as this would force a secret upon them.
Following the initial conversation, you’ll need to regularly check in on your child throughout the divorce process and during the time afterwards. Below, we’ll detail how to keep a healthy relationship between you and your child, ensuring that they don’t feel forgotten.
How to Help Your Child Through a Divorce
Be Honest with Them
Your child will they’ll pick up on any lies or half-truths you tell them during such a serious and important time in all your lives. Give your child the respect they deserve in this situation by being honest with them; answer their questions truthfully in an age-appropriate manner.
Judge what your child needs to know based on your relationship with them and their age. For example, they probably don’t need to know the details of why you’re separating, but you should tell them exactly how things will be different in the future.
Maintain Their Relationships
Provided the divorce is amicable and the child is still going to be involved in both parents’ lives, they shouldn’t be made to ‘choose’ between one parent or the other.
Both of you should keep up quality time with your child, as well as letting them spend time with grandparents, and any other close friends and family members who they would usually see. Your child’s relationships shouldn’t have to suffer because of your divorce.
Maintain Routines
Just like maintaining their relationships, this time of uncertainty will be much easier for your child to manage if the rest of their routine remains as unchanged as possible.
Keep young children to a regular dinner time and bedtime, and keep them involved in any after-school activities they’re involved in. This way, your child will be able to find some comfort in this stable part of their life.
Listen to Them
Respect, validate, and actively listen and respond to any thoughts or feelings they express to you. Your child’s stability and happiness should be a priority during your divorce, so it’s incredibly important to ensure they feel heard and understood.
Practice empathy with your child and try to really understand what they’re expressing to you, not just what you think you would feel.
Get More Advice from Howells
If you're considering separating from your partner, you should prepare yourself emotionally, financially, and legally. Find out how to prepare with out sister blog post, How to Prepare for a Possible Separation After the Summer Holidays.
At Howells Solicitors, you can talk to our friendly divorce law and family law solicitors for more specialised advice on your particular situation.
Simply get in touch today to find out more.
