Domestic abuse statistics are shocking, especially when separation has been the catalyst. Many people are struggling with how to actually handle the situation of being separated and many lose control or remain in the relationship due to domestic abuse.
There are many accomplices to domestic abuse and family life is being devastated by these: drugs, alcohol abuse, and narcissistic personalities, to name a few. All these really do make for dire family life situations.
How Are Domestic Abuse and Separation Linked? The Stats
The Office for National Statistics says:
‘Married women [are] less likely to have experienced partner abuse than women with any other marital status.
‘Experience of partner abuse in the last 12 months was least common among women who were married (2.6%). Women who were separated were significantly more likely to have experienced partner abuse in the last 12 months (19.0%) than those with other marital statuses, except for those who were divorced from their partner or had legally dissolved their partnership (16.3%).’
Sadly, Women’s Aid also reports ‘55% of women killed by their ex-partner or ex-spouse were killed within the first month of separation and 87% in the first year.’
What is Being Done to Help Domestic Abuse Separations?
The 2012 Legal Aid cuts had a drastic effect on family law and representation for victims of abuse, but things are improving and a greater number of people are getting help.
The Court Service is enforcing domestic abuse situations under a serious and meticulous review. Many people feel this is quite overdue, but it has finally been ordered upon how the courts are to deal with these cases in particular.
These recommendations by the government’s recently launched inquiry are eagerly awaited, as the review will examine the issues surrounding the use of applications for contact made by the perpetrators or alleged perpetrators of domestic abuse.
The assistance of Welsh Women's Aid has been a key component with improving the amount of support available to victims.
So, How Do You Discuss Separation with a Narcissist When They…
1) Avoid - they refuse to recognise or even acknowledge an incident.
2) Give Excuses – give reasons for the behaviour or worse, no acceptance at all.
3) Blame - they accuse you, play the victim themselves, and often portray themselves to be hard done by.
4) Confuse - they change the subject and project it back on you.
5) Shut down - silence and/or anger, more so at the point of being challenged.
6) Threaten, lie, isolate… the list goes on.
What Can You Do?
Well, you change the rules.
- Firstly, keep a diary of verbal abuse and incidents. It sounds mad but it really isn’t. It is the perfect way to see the wood for the trees (so to speak). Think of how good you are. A good parent, a good person and get your life back on track.
- You maintain your distance and your boundaries. Deal with them by email. A person messaging you is an invitation to answer. Not a demand. Give yourself the space you need. Review a message in your own time.
- Drop your expectations of the other person. Narcissists don't think and act like the norm. Recognise this and let that empower you. That is their truth. Not yours. The agenda is different.
- You expect better for yourself and you respect your values. You move on. You enlist the help of a divorce and separation solicitor and support services to give you the space you need to fully-recognise what is going on around you and, you recover.
- You have probably been isolated from friends and family by a controlling narcissistic partner. Reach out for support and even a place to stay, they have probably been wishing and waiting for this call and will hopefully move heaven and earth to help you and any children and grandchildren involved.
- Call the police and get this on record. Police have been severely criticised for not taking domestic abuse seriously and an independent enquiry has led to better police training in domestic abuse to remove the partner as soon as possible, before the worst case scenario transpires.
What If You Have Children to Consider?
If there are children involved, your main worry and concern may always first be around them. Especially if the domestic abuse is also being transferred onto your child or children. Our solicitors also specialise into the safety and care of children and will be able to advise and support you with the best possible outcome for any child involved.
How Can Howells Help?
Our specialist family law department can help provide you with the legal support and advice needed, and also communicate with your ex upon your behalf.
We don’t just deal with the legal aspect. We fully-support you in any way we can and can recommend you to those professional support services that really do make a difference into leading you on the path that you want to be.
Get in touch with our personal and supportive family department today to someone you can trust.